Snapped?

This story is a reminder of how someone can snap when there is too much tension. There are always signs before something like this happens. In this case according to the news “West BabylonHigh School football star had never displayed any violent tendencies,” but according to other family members, “It wasn’t a healthy thing that was going on,” Angela U. Perkins, 32, of Round Rock, Texas, said of the relationship between Belcher and the cousin she knew as “Kasi.”…

Could there have been domestic abuse that was going on in this relationship, in the home behind closed doors? No way to know now. Do you know the signs to look for, for yourself or a loved one?

Jovan Belcher’s relationship with Perkins was strained, her relatives say…

Kansas City Chiefs shootings: No easy answers as team grapples with emotions

SIGNS THAT A LOVED ONE IS IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

7 Tips to Help Your Loved One in an Abusive Relationship

Local expert talks domestic violence help resource

It can happen to anyone. Learn the signs, educate yourself and your loved ones. Life is too short to end this way.

-Donata Joseph #adhdfdn

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

1 in 4 women have been, will be or are currently in an abusive relationship. Is it you, your daughter, granddaughter, niece, mom…. even your son. Yes, even men are in abusive relationships. Some men don’t hit back when their girlfriend or wife beat them. Would you be able to recognize the signs if it was happening to a loved one? It’s more alarming for teens, 1 in 3 will experience being in an abusive relationship. It’s time to talk more to our younger ones about relationships. Yes it may seem they’re to young but if we don’t talk about it, they will learn from someone else…. let it be you.

Some cues that might indicate an abusive relationship might include:

• Abuse alcohol or other drugs.
• Have a history of trouble with the law, get into fights, or break and destroy property.
• Don’t work or go to school.
• Blame you for how they treat you, or for anything bad that happens.
• Abuse siblings, other family members, children or pets.
• Put down people, including your family and friends, or call them names.
• Are always angry at someone or something.
• Try to isolate you and control whom you see or where you go.
• Nag you or force you to be sexual when you don’t want to be.
• Cheat on you or have lots of partners.
• Are physically rough with you (push, shove, pull, yank, squeeze, restrain).
• Take your money or take advantage of you in other ways.
• Accuse you of flirting or “coming on” to others or accuse you of cheating on them.
• Don’t listen to you or show interest in your opinions or feelings. . .things always have to be done their way.
• Ignore you, give you the silent treatment, or hang up on you.
• Lie to you, don’t show up for dates, maybe even disappear for days.
• Make vulgar comments about others in your presence
• Blame all arguments and problems on you.
• Tell you how to dress or act.
• Threaten to kill themselves if you break up with them, or tell you that they cannot live without you.
• Experience extreme mood swings. . .tell you you’re the greatest one minute and rip you apart the next minute.
• Tell you to shut up or tell you you’re dumb, stupid, fat, or call you some other name (directly or indirectly).
• Compare you to former partners.

Some other cues that might indicate an abusive relationship might include:

• You feel afraid to break up with them.
• You feel tied down, feel like you have to check-in.
• You feel afraid to make decisions or bring up certain subjects so that the other person won’t get mad.
• You tell yourself that if you just try harder and love your partner enough that everything will be just fine.
• You find yourself crying a lot, being depressed or unhappy.
• You find yourself worrying and obsessing about how to please your partner and keep them happy.
• You find the physical or emotional abuse getting worse over time.

Adapted from the Domestic Abuse Project (http://www.domesticabuseproject.org)

A Welcome Steady Spotlight on Teen Dating Violence

Teens and Dating Violence

Dating Violence Statistics

 

#breakingthesilence

~ Donata Joseph

 

 

It takes ONE time!

These stories that I’m hearing or reading are heartbreaking. Ladies, we need to empower ourselves to know that we are worth more than the relationships we allow ourselves to be in. Being with a partner that verbally, physically or emotionally abuses you is NOT acceptable. I understand we make excuses for our partners and that’s what keeps us in these relationships but who are we truly hurting, them or ourselves… or worse, our children. Some of us don’t even realize how bad our situation is until it’s too late, like one story you will read below. Some of us feel that our partner will change or God will change them – what if that doesn’t happen then what?

I recently heard a story of a woman where her mate beat her; she didn’t leave but allowed herself to believe that God forgave him. I can’t judge if God did or didn’t but when it happens again, because it will, what excuse will you use to comfort yourself then. People that abuse people don’t wake up one day and stop; they have to go through a process either counseling, anger management, church…Etc. They have to realize and accept that what they are doing is wrong and WANT to change. Regardless of the method, there is a process that must take place. We automatically assume that they changed because they asked for forgiveness, promise that they will never do it again, cry, give flowers and are the sweetest person for a few days…. on the other hand we are so blind we don’t realize that’s just another part of the domestic violence cycle called the honeymoon phase. Trust me; I know we think FINALLY it won’t happen again. WRONG, the next thing that makes them snap all hell breaks loose and we are the punching bags again… this time the question is         WILL WE SURVIVE…

Here is a story I read today – what breaks my heart is where she tweeted “Wouldn’t be so bad if he ain’t tried 3 times before, But I’m Gods Child ain’t never scared” – that’s the  same day he killed her. God can only do so much, he gives us the tools to make wise chooses. We can’t stand in front of a bus and not expect to get killed. I’m not in any way putting this young girl down or saying she deserved this by any means. My point is the God issue, it’s like the other story where she said God forgave her boyfriend, that’s great STILL don’t continue to stay in harm’s way to wait for God to have to forgive him again after another violent attack. We use God to make excuses for them did it ever occur that maybe God didn’t choose that person for us. Let’s think of it that way and allow ourselves to break free from these violent relationships.

If a guy can threaten to kill you TRUST that he probably will. Forget that he said it 100 times before, it takes him to SNAP ONE TIME and you’re done. Some make it out alive some don’t. Don’t take that chance, no relationship is worth it…                       RIP to another DV victim: Woman found murdered 2 days after calling 911 for help

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

~Donata Joseph #adhdfdn #E3Yourself

Connection Creates Intimacy

Dr. Tony Ferretti

People today are more disconnected from one another than ever before, in spite of advances in technology and communication.  Mainly because our connections today are not deep, personal, or intimate.  Last week I discussed the disengaged person which is reinforced by societal changes.  People can choose to never leave their home and still work, eat, shop, pay bills and keep up with their family.  However, deep connection comes from face to face interactions, limiting distractions, and intimate conversations.  When I’ve asked couples to set aside time to communicate one of the first questions is: “what are we supposed to talk about?”  The question alone indicates the lack of connection or limited awareness of ways to connect.  How do you get a disengaged person to connect?  In therapy, one solution is to figure out what caused them to disconnect and help work through their fears, emotional pain, and insecurities.  Another exercise that sometimes helps raise emotional awareness is to select an emotion each day to discuss after you’ve either observed it or experienced it yourself.  Couples can also share something that excites them and triggers positive emotion.  It may be watching a sports event, listening to great music, reading a wonderful book, or watching a thrilling movie.  We all experience life differently, but sharing emotion, either positive or negative, will create a connection if the communication is healthy and constructive.  Intimacy comes in many different forms and one type can enhance the other.  For example, emotional intimacy leads to more fulfilling physical intimacy.  The bottom line is that being connected through conversation, shared activities, and time together will enhance relationships and create fulfillment in life.

How to Keep Her :-D

To all the women that are outraged about the blog I posted regarding How to Keep Him – this one’s for you. You know I wouldn’t leave you hanging. Men need to learn tips on how to keep us just as much as we need to learn tips on how to keep them. If you haven’t read my previous post please do -> How to Keep Him. Again this is for the married folks. If you’re single it doesn’t hurt to start learning a few tips ;-).

Fellas, I know you were cheering my blog when you were reading the tips on how to keep you. I hope you have that same enthusiasm in reading this blog. No relationship is going to run smoothly being one sided, it takes two. You put in 100% effort and she puts 100% effort. In everything there should be balance, especially in a relationship.

Let me say this from the jump, we are not as complicated as you think. We are NOT trying to control you or keep you on “lock down.” The sooner you get these misconceptions out of your mind the easier it is for us to communicate with you. Take some time to really understand us and our needs. Just as much as you love to be loved and respected we want the same from you. God created Eve from Adam’s rib – your rib cage is located on both sides of your body. I translate that as your spouse being your partner (next to you) not someone that will be in charge of the family (on top) nor someone you can walk all over (on the bottom). With that being said, here we go:

Rule #1 DO IT THE FIRST TIME