Connection Creates Intimacy

Dr. Tony Ferretti

2People today are more disconnected from one another than ever before, in spite of advances in technology and communication.  Mainly because our connections today are not deep, personal, or intimate.  Last week I discussed the disengaged person which is reinforced by societal changes.  People can choose to never leave their home and still work, eat, shop, pay bills and keep up with their family.  However, deep connection comes from face to face interactions, limiting distractions, and intimate conversations.  When I’ve asked couples to set aside time to communicate one of the first questions is: “what are we supposed to talk about?”  The question alone indicates the lack of connection or limited awareness of ways to connect.  How do you get a disengaged person to connect?  In therapy, one solution is to figure out what caused them to disconnect and help work through their fears, emotional pain, and insecurities.  Another exercise that sometimes helps raise emotional awareness is to select an emotion each day to discuss after you’ve either observed it or experienced it yourself.  Couples can also share something that excites them and triggers positive emotion.  It may be watching a sports event, listening to great music, reading a wonderful book, or watching a thrilling movie.  We all experience life differently, but sharing emotion, either positive or negative, will create a connection if the communication is healthy and constructive.  Intimacy comes in many different forms and one type can enhance the other.  For example, emotional intimacy leads to more fulfilling physical intimacy.  The bottom line is that being connected through conversation, shared activities, and time together will enhance relationships and create fulfillment in life.


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